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"But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don't try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you." ~Luke 6:27-31
Entering my sophomore year of college, I had high hopes for my new rooming situation, determined to make it work no matter what. It started off well, but then slowly turned downhill. I allowed all of the little things to bother me so much that I remember screaming in my head while trying to sleep one night, over and over "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" All the while I am silently screaming these hurtful words, my heart is aghast. Questions run through my mind: How can I hate someone? I am not a hateful person! I am a Christian! I'm commanded to love. Why am I falling short? How did I get to this? How do I NOT hate someone? Somehow, even though I did not want to hate my roommate, I did.
At this point, I started to pray often and hard for God to change my heart, to make me more tolerant, to help me love my roommate and to not hate her. However, every time I came near my roommate or thought about her, hate would rise up in me. I spent more time in hate than I did in prayer with God. Hate took over my life.
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I live with my family in the state of Michigan next to the Great Lake Michigan. While at Hope College, I discovered my love for youth. This resulted in working or volunteering in several ministries directed toward youth, as well as obtaining my degree in religion and youth ministry. My ambitions stem from my passion to live an abundant and full life: I hope to help people live their own lives so that every day matters, has purpose, and fills them up with the joy God desires for His children.
pillow fights . listening for & hearing God’s whispers . my kitty
autumn . all things Michigan . strolling through the woods
laughing . singing . journaling
getting to know people’s deep places . reading . looking at snowflakes
Loving Unlikeable People
by Ashley Pleasant
The year ended, and I was relieved but disappointed. I still wondered how I had managed to hate someone all school year. Why couldn't I love? I had been praying and praying for God to help me love her. But all I could do was hate her.
Time passed until my senior year when I moved in with a family. About half way through the year, I started to recognize the same kinds of thoughts that I had had with my sophomore roommate with another person I was living with. I thought to myself, something has got to change. I refused to succumb to hate once again. This time, I caught my hate at the start, instead of waiting for it to consume me.
I talked to my supervisor--a mentor--about the situation. She told me a story where she had the same basic problem I had. Her advice to me was to pray for the person I was slowly learning to hate. At first I thought, “that won't work.” I've already tried to pray that she will change. But then my mentor mentioned the punch line: you don't pray that the person will change, but that God will bless them.
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Rereading the sixth chapter of Luke, I found that I used to see 'enemies' in a 'letter of the law' way, rather than in the spirit of the law. Jesus does not command that I only love those I like, and love those who hurt me, but to also love EVERYONE, even the unlikeable in my life. That meant I must love all people, even those I found annoying, or those who clashed with my personality.
My supervisor's advice transformed my life. I dedicated myself to pray that God would shower His blessings upon the person I was being tempted to hate. At first, getting myself to actually pray for the betterment of a person I could not stand was one of the hardest feats I had to tackle. I would rather have cursed her. But I am happy to say, that through perseverance and grace, soon I meant my prayers. I actually cared about her, and hoped that God would bless her, giving her a fruitful day, and a restful sleep. Were the traits that bothered me still in the person's life? Yes, but they did not bother me so much anymore. I cared more about that person's welfare and struggles.
Praying blessings upon an unlikeable person in my life made love for that person blossom in my heart. Choosing to love her through prayers of blessing created love for her in me. By the power of God's grace through prayer, I was no longer bound by my hate. In fact, my hate for this person had disappeared. It tried to resurface a month or so later, but it flew the scene when I prayed blessings once again. Prayer not only changed my heart, but it also allowed my relationship with this person to be based on love and service, not hate and avoidance. God's grace changed this relationship from one of hate and eventual ruin to one of service and peace.
And so, I want to pass the lesson onto you: love, love, love! If you cross paths with an unlikeable person in your life, pray blessings upon his or her life. Allow God's grace through prayer to transform your heart from hate or annoyance into true and genuine love for that person. Use the opportunity to be transformed by God's grace by taking a step into the journey of learning to love. Hate destroys you from the inside out. But God’s love brings abundant life and joy.*
Hate destroys you from the inside out, but God’s love brings abundant life and joy.
Q&A
January/ February Issue 2010