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“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.”
Luke 14:26
This past summer while on a missions trip to Boston, I began to realize more fully what Christ was actually saying in this verse. I was out east all alone, away from my dear family, away from everything familiar and comfortable. The first couple nights I was there I experienced a small taste of what it would be like to live far away from home…..and it was painful. I missed my parents, I missed my brother, I missed the “predictability” of my life. One night I kneeled down beside my bed, and with tears in my eyes, said, “Lord, this is painful!” It was a feeling of extreme loneliness that I had never experienced before- at least not at this level. It was then He started speaking to my heart. In His gentle way He said, “Ashley, would you be willing to give up your family, in order to serve Me? Are you willing to literally deny yourself, along with your comforts and all you know, for My sake? It hit home hard. I realized that though I had always esteemed the lives of people who had forsaken all, it was not yet a reality in my life! The lyrics to the song “What Grace is Mine” began going through my head:
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What grace is mine, that He who dwells in endless light
Called through the night to find my distant soul
And from His scars, poured mercy that would plead for me
That I might live, and in His name be known
So I will go wherever He is calling me
I lose my life to find my life in Him
I give my all to gain the hope that never dies
I bow my heart, take up my cross, and follow Him
What grace is mine, to know His breath alive in me
Beneath His wings my wakened soul may soar
All fear can flee, for death’s dark night is overcome
My Savior lives, and reigns forevermore
The message of the song was so clear- Jesus Christ had given everything for me. Would I give Him everything in return? He had poured out His grace upon me, died in my place, and loved me unconditionally. Would I go wherever He was calling me? Would I lay down my life to find my life in Him? Would I deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Him?
Around the same time I was wrestling with these questions, I heard about a young woman living in Uganda with 13 orphan children*. She was 20 years old, single, and deeply in love with Jesus Christ. In high school she was class president, homecoming queen, and at the top of her class. She dated cute boys and drove a cute yellow convertible. She had supportive parents who so desired her success that they offered to pay for her to go to college anywhere she wanted. She had all this world says is important. But she also loved Christ, and knew that He was calling her to more than just an average, mediocre Christian life.
She writes, “Jesus says to Nicodemus that in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, one must be born again. Check. Jesus says to another guy that in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven one must sell everything they have and give it to the poor and then COME, follow Him. Oh. I realized that I had loved and admired and worshipped Jesus without doing what He did. So I quit my life. Originally it was only supposed to be temporary, just a year before I went back to normal…life and college. But it wasn’t possible. I had seen what life was about and I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know. So I quit my life again, but for good this time. I quit college, I quit my cute designer jeans and my little yellow convertible, I quit my boyfriend.
I no longer have everything that the world says is important. BUT, I have everything I know is important. I have never been happier, and I have never been closer to the Lover of my soul and my Savior.”
Reading about the radical abandon to Christ that this young woman had challenged me to the core. I knew what God was asking me to do- deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Him. In other words, surrender. He was asking me to forsake all and follow Him, wherever He chose to lead me. Even if it meant living in a far away land in scorching heat and miserable bugs. Even if it meant never getting married.
Surrender is never easy. After all, it’s “giving up with the expectation that you’ll never get it back.” But when I truly surrendered to my Lord, I realized that it wasn’t a path of misery. Rather, it was the doorway into abundant life! God was asking me to die…that I might truly live.
“Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the Kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.” Luke 18:29-30
I have no idea what God has planned for my future, but I know I can trust Him. He has shown me that no matter what circumstance I find myself in, He will always be right there to strengthen and uphold me. And if I have Him, what more could I ever need?
“What kind of a God is it who asks everything of us? The same God who ‘did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all; and with this gift how can He fail to lavish upon us all He has to give?’ He gives all. He asks all.” -Elisabeth Elliot
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I'm a Minnesota girl with a camera in my hand and a love for Jesus in my heart! I am extremely blessed to have grown up in a loving Christian home, and to have come to know my precious Jesus when I was young. God has faithfully worked in my heart over the years- always gently drawing me to Himself. Recently, He has been awakening me to the needs around the world, and challenging me with what living this Gospel life really means. I'm excited for what He has in store as I continue following hard after Him!
fellowshipping with sisters in Christ . hand-written letters . time with family
taking hundreds of photos . journalling with soft music playing
freshly fallen snow . spending hours in God’s presence . sweet kiddos
worshipping at the piano
Q&A
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*If you don’t already know, Ashley is referring to and quoting Katie Davis who founded and runs Amazima Ministries. We’d love for you to get familiar with this set-apart young woman! Visit these sites to be inspired:
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