Insecurity with Physical Flaws
“How do I deal with intense insecurity over my physical flaws?”
Question #6
Leslie’s Response:
A young woman who is deeply, passionately, intimately in love Jesus Christ glows with a radiance that overpowers even the most noticeable of flaws. I’ve seen many a godly woman light up an entire room with her presence. To study her closely, you would not think of her as beautiful; in fact she might even have major physical blemishes that would normally be distracting. But when a woman’s passion for Jesus Christ is so deep that it is the focal point of her existence, it effervesces from every corner of her being—and she glows with Heavenly beauty. No matter what her physical flaws might be, they are unnoticed when Jesus Christ is center stage in her life.
Our Korean daughter, Harper, was born without any fingers. Her sweet little hands look like tiny mittens, with only the thumbs sticking out. Since she is only two, she has no concept of feeling strange or insecure about her hands. To her, they are totally normal. Harper is so childlike and free in the way she interacts with others—totally devoid of shyness or insecurity. And as a result, most people hardly even notice her lack of fingers. They see her cute smile, her chubby cheeks, and the mischievous sparkle in her eyes. It’s her complete lack of focus on her deformity that makes other people forget totally about it.
Insecurity is simply an unhealthy focus on yourself, rather than a healthy focus on Jesus Christ. It’s something the enemy can easily use to keep us turned inward rather than outward. Just like the temptation toward any sin, we must nip thoughts of insecurity in the bud the moment they begin to arise. As soon as the enemy comes in with whispers of, “Everyone is noticing your physical shortcomings. There is nothing attractive about you—no one wants to be around you,” your response must be immediate. Instead of entertaining those thoughts and meditating upon them, fight back with truth, Scripture and prayer. Remind the enemy (and yourself) that you have been created in the image of God, that your life has been redeemed by the blood of Christ, and that You are precious in His sight. Remember that Christ loved you so much He gave His very life to rescue you. And your calling as a daughter of the King is not to wallow in selfishness and insecurity, but joyfully turn outward and share His amazing love with others.
If you begin to ignore thoughts of insecurity and deliberately choose to smile, reach out to others, and focus on being an example of Christ, you will soon realize that insecurity has no soil in which to grow. It may take some time before this principle becomes a habit in your life, but if you lean on the grace and strength of God, He will give you all that you need to triumph in this area.
If you have a major physical distraction that you can do something about, then prayerfully consider doing so. There is nothing more spiritual about keeping your teeth crooked when braces could straighten them, or leaving a huge wart on the end of your nose when a doctor could easily remove it. If you are overweight and constantly preoccupied with thoughts about it, ask God to give you the discipline and focus to take charge of your eating habits. Removing distractions can help remove the temptation to worry about them and obsess over them. Just remember not to put off shining with Christ-like confidence until your flaws have been dealt with. Beware of saying “I’ll finally be happy when I lose weight” or “I’ll turn outward once I get my nose fixed.” Our security must come from Him, not primarily from the removal of a physical distraction.
St. Francis of Assis said:
Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
That’s a great rule of thumb when it comes to dealing with physical flaws. Our sense of strength and security must come from Christ alone. We must trust Him for the ability to accept what we cannot (or should not) change in our appearance, the courage to change what needs to be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Remember, true beauty does not depend upon clothes, makeup, or malls. It does not come from perfect skin or an ideal figure. It’s not found in the advice of modern magazines. It can’t be seen in the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.
True beauty, in a nutshell, is found in a soul completely surrendered to Jesus Christ, a heart consumed by Him alone, and a life eagerly poured out for His sake. That is when we will sparkle with Heaven’s radiance and stand out from among all other women like a lily among thorns. (Song of Solomon 2:4)
Spurgeon’s words capture it perfectly:
“The lily among thorns. . . has incomparable beauty. . . If you take worldlings at their best and in their bravest attire—in their pomp and glory and parade—they are but as thorns in contrast with Christ’s Bride. The thorns are worthless. They flourish and spread and cumber the ground, but they yield no fruit and only grow to be cut down for the oven. But as for the lily, it is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. It lives shedding sweet perfume and when it is gathered, its loveliness adorns the chamber to which it is taken. So does the true saint bless her generation while here, and when she is taken away she is regarded even in Heaven above as one of the flowers of God.
