Taking Initiative
Should I ever take initiative with a guy I am interested in?
Question #8
Leslie’s Response:
Even in the get-to-know-you stage of a friendship, keeping Christ at the center is no less important than in a serious relationship. If there is a guy in your life that you feel drawn to get to know better, remember that the way you approach the friendship in the early stages can set the tone for the entire friendship and, if it ends up becoming more, the entire romantic relationship. For instance, many young women feel that the only way they can get to know a guy is if they initiate a friendship. “I don’t know him very well, but I’m just going to call him and invite him to coffee. How else is he ever going to know that I am interested in having a friendship with him?” It sounds like a logical line of reasoning. But taking the initiative with a guy, even in the friendship stage, can be dangerous. God designed men to be the leaders, the initiators, and the pursuers in male/female relationships. Even if it seems harmless to ask a guy out to coffee or email him and let him know you want to get to know him better, it subtly undermines his masculinity. And as we discussed earlier, even though guys might at first seem to like it when girls pursue them, the reality is that when their masculine role is diminished, it hinders them from becoming the strong, confident leaders God intended them to be. The Bible says:
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. (1 Ti 2:12-13)
When a woman takes a leadership role, even in a friendship, she subtly disregards a man’s authority and position. To “usurp authority” over a man means to “govern” him. If you take the lead in a friendship or relationship with a guy, the weight falls upon your shoulders to guide and govern the relationship from that point forward – completely backwards from God’s intent. You forgo the opportunity to be pursued and won by a heroic man. Rather than him proving that he is worthy of your heart, you now have to prove that you are worthy of his. How unromantic is that? As hard as it might be to wait for him to take the first step in reaching out, you will be blessed for honoring God’s perfect design. Even if the friendship never turns into anything romantic, by down-playing a man’s role as pursuer you are chipping away at his ability to be a Christ-built Warrior-Poet who will honor, serve, and protect femininity. Don’t give into impatience when you see a guy you are attracted to or interested in. Instead, take it to God in fervent, heartfelt prayer. If God desires the friendship to happen, He is perfectly capable of moving upon the guy’s heart to take the first step in reaching out to you. Show that you trust in Him with all your heart by letting Him write the story without any manipulation on your part!
If there is a guy in your life that you feel drawn to, honor God’s design by reaching out to him in subtle and Christ-honoring ways, without undermining his position as the initiator.
March/April Issue 2010
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